


permafrost

by casualbird



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Character Study, Extended Metaphors, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, canon-typical Zoldyck Family Nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26798746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casualbird/pseuds/casualbird
Summary: What matters is his work, his family, his love; and Illumi’s love isglacial.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	permafrost

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is pretty much entirely concerned with why illumi treats his family Like That, and how he came to be that way, but there aren't any graphic depictions of that kind of abuse. still, if you'd rather steer clear, go ahead. illumi is not a nice man.

In the negligible time Illumi has spent in the same room as a non-tactical radio, he has discovered that many people describe love as something that burns.

This confuses him--or rather, it does when he has the time or inclination to consider it, which is almost never.

It just seems they’ve got it backward. And surely, most people would say the same of him, but their opinions on the way his wires cross are of no consequence.

What matters is his work, his family, his love; and Illumi’s love is _glacial._

A glacier is fraught. It towers, it looms, it strikes awe. It is unbreakably solid and untouchably cold, it controls the lay of continents.

And with every snow, it builds itself.

Illumi understood this dimly within his first seven years, as his mother would sit him on her knee, would coax the youthful tangles from his hair and tell him stories. Squalid, cutthroat tales, parables of Meteor City misery. The world was vast, she’d tell him, punishing and perilous.

_I will make you bigger,_ she would promise. _I will make you crueler._

_I will make you safe._

So he trained. Swallowed poisons and ideologies, made playthings out of blades. Learned to be narrow and creeping as hoarfrost, subzero-deadly. It was just the thing to do, even if it hurt.

Even if he didn’t understand.

Then he held Mil the first time, fussing and fitful, scarcely an hour from the womb. Studied the pink-red splotches on his face, the soft folds and mounds and crinkles of him. Listened to his breathing, deep and labored, fighting the harsh uncradling cold.

Love befell him like an avalanche, to see that little face.

See, a fire burns. You can warm your hands on it, it does sustain--but not forever. It flickers, it gutters and dies.

A glacier is a dynasty. It commands. People can fight a fire, but skirt ‘round glacier’s edges. A glacier is impermeable, indestructible, forever.

What worthier cause is there, than to keep shoring it up? Even if the cold bites bitter at small fingers, even with the shivering long dark…

A glacier is _safe._

**Author's Note:**

> so there you have it! my very best guess as to why the hell illumi is Like That!
> 
> do let me know what you thought, and come puzzle over the zoldycks with me on [twitter (18+)](https://twitter.com/bird_scribbles) or my [shiny new hxh server](https://discord.gg/xVSBWPs) if you like!
> 
> much love!


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